Beautiful Disaster
by mdiggory
Summary: She's just the way she is but no ones told her that's o.k. Part 8 in the Brachel series


a/n: Okay, so this song was a last minute addition when it became obvious that I wouldn't be getting to the love scene in this chapter. Rachel's confession isn't what I had originally had in mind but I could only recall bits and pieces of what I had worked out in my head before I could get to my laptop to type it out. Plus, my phone kept ringing and there were a ton of distractions so if it seems a bit jumbled that's my lame excuse. The song is Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin.

Disclaimer: the characters are the property of Schwahn and co.

She prays one day she'll find someone to need her

She swears that there's no difference between the lies and compliments

It's all the same if everybody leaves her

And every magazine tells her she's not good enough

The pictures that she sees makes her cry

She would change everything, everything, just ask her

Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster

She just needs someone to take her home

Placing the white candles strategically around the room to create the perfect romantic atmosphere Brooke mentally checks that off her list and moves to the bed to straighten the navy blue satin sheets. Running her hands over the silky material she takes a moment to imagine what Rachel's deep auburn hair will look like fanned out against the pillows in this very bed within the next few hours.

After her lunch with Peyton and Haley and finally telling them the truth about her relationship with Rachel, Brooke realized that there was nothing holding them back from officially being together. Rachel has been sweet, attentive and incredibly patient while Brooke worked through her issues in the aftermath of the attack. Though they have been sharing the same bed for nearly two months, Rachel has exhibited an enormous amount of self control and has not pressured Brooke to take things further than she was comfortable with. _'Just one more of the many reasons I love her._' Brooke thinks and the words bring a smile to her face. _'I love her, I love Rachel, I am undeniably in love with Rachel Gattina.'_

"Why are you smiling like a lunatic?" the annoying voice asks from the doorway. Sam saunters into the room and plops herself down on the newly made bed. Brooke raises an eyebrow as Sam scans the room, taking in the white and peach colored rose petals sprinkled around the floor, white candles, and satin bed-sheets. Then it dawns on her.

"Ew, gross, " she exclaims, jumping off of the bed as if it was contaminated. "why didn't you say something before I walked into your little _love den_?"

"That's what you get for simply barging in uninvited." Brooke shrugs

"The door was open, if I'd known what you have planned for tonight I would have made other sleeping arrangements."

"In case you have forgotten, you're grounded Avril, the only place you'll be sleeping tonight is downstairs in your room."

"And what, listening to the sounds of _Lesbian Mating Season _is my punishment for borrowing your ID? Geez, if I'd known the verdict would be this harsh I would have tried to get more use out of the thing. "

"Your just lucky that the bartender recognized my ID and brought you home safely, most places people aren't that nice and you could have been taken advantage of by some low life."

"I suppose it was kinda dumb to go to the bar that's practically your second home but I figured that no other bar would believe I could pass as a thirty-five year old."

"I'm not thirty-five!" Brooke yells indignantly

"Spaz much princess?"

"Don't you have homework to do or small animals to torture?" Brooke walks into her closet to find an outfit. Something sexy but easy to remove. Luckily that included almost every item in her wardrobe, now the only thing to decide on was the color.

"The yellow dress is nice but I'd go with the lavender since Rachel prefers you in that color."

"How do you know that?" Brooke turns a curious eye to her housemate.

"I read it in that cheesy note she wrote to you." Sam says nonchalantly

"You read my private letters?"

"It wasn't a letter, it was a post-it tacked onto the fridge. If you don't want people to read your foreplay then don't post it in public domains." Brooke narrows her eyes at Sam's smirking face.

She remembers that morning a few days ago when she walked into the kitchen to find Rachel's note to her pasted to the refrigerator door. It read that Rachel, _'went for a run and would be back soon' _but the post script stated her fondness for the sexy lavender lace panties Brooke wore to bed the night before. Biting her lip she tries hard to squelch the wave of heat that floods her body at the look Rachel gave her that night when she took off her robe to reveal a lavender camisole and matching lace panties. Rachel's delicate hands were on her body before her robe even hit the floor and they touched and kissed for hours.

She decided on the lavender dress, not because Sam suggested it , like she'd ever take fashion tips from this kid but because it was one of her favorites designed just for herself. The scoop neckline showing off just enough cleavage while the skirt extends to right above her knee with slits up the side baring her toned thighs. The sound of the front door closing breaks Brooke out of her thoughts.

"Damn, she's early, " not expecting Rachel home so soon from her dinner with Bevin she has to rush to finish setting the mood. "Sam, go downstairs and distract her for about fifteen minutes."

"What am I suppose to tell her if she tries to come up here?" Sam grumbles as Brooke ushers her out the door.

"I don't know, Haley says you're a good writer, make something up!" Shrugging off her robe she adjusts her breast in the black strapless bra then slips the lavender dress over her head where the material hugs her curves perfectly. As Brooke touches up her makeup in the vanity mirror she can hear Sam telling Rachel not to go upstairs just yet because Brooke's busy laying out the whips and chains and she'll call as soon as she has the dominatrix outfit on. "_That little dip-shit!" _Flinging open their bedroom door Brooke yells out into the hall, "10:30 Avril, lights out!"

Sam's indistinctive reply has Rachel laughing as she climbs the stairs to their bedroom. Brooke hurriedly lights the candles and dims the lights, posing seductively on the bed as Rachel enters the room.

Rachel stands frozen in the doorway, her hand tightly griping the doorknob. The room is bathed in the golden flickering light from the twenty odd burning candles illuminating her gorgeous girlfriend. All she wants to do is take the three steps separating them, gather Brooke in her arms and kiss her until her lips are numb. Instead she gulps, smiles awkwardly and beats a hasty retreat back down the hall.

Brooke lays there completely confounded, "What the Hell just happened?" she'd busted her ass trying to ensure that their first time making love was absolutely perfect and how does Rachel react? By turning tail and running off like a frightened virgin on her wedding night. The more Brooke thought about how much effort she put into tonight's plans despite her own apprehension, the more pissed off she became at her would be lover. "Get your liposuctioned ass back here Gattina!" she shouts. Once out in the hall she notices the door to the back deck ajar and can make out Rachel's form leaning against the railing with her arms stretched out and head down appearing as if she's about to dive off the deck into the dark water below.

Rachel takes deep breathes to steady her racing pulse but every time she closes her eyes the picture of Brooke sprawled out on their bed wearing that little dress flashes in her mind and her body thrums in response to her raging emotions. The sounds of bare feet on the wooden deck stops directly behind her and even though she knows Brooke is there she still jumps when she feels a hand touch her shoulder.

Brooke makes a low wounded sound at Rachel's reaction to her touch and tries to pull her hand away but Rachel deftly reaches back, grabbing her retreating hand and pulls her forward until her front is pressed against Rachel's back. The night air is warm but she feels Rachel's body shaking so she wraps her arms around her lovers waist, resting her forehead on Rachel's left shoulder and waits for the other girl to compose herself before seeking answers to her strange behavior. When Brooke feels the tension ease from Rachel's body she places light kisses across her shoulder nuzzling her neck.

She's giving boys what they want

Tries to act so nonchalant

Afraid to see that she's lost her direction

She never stays the same for long

Assuming that she'll get it wrong

Perfect only in her imperfection

"How was dinner with Bevin?"

"It was okay," Rachel's voice is quiet, she laughs, "she showed me like a hundred pictures of hers and Tim's son and I know you're not suppose to say this about babies but that is one funny looking kid. He's got these huge eyes and ears and in every single picture his hair was doing this weird curly thing. He looks like _Baby New Year _from those old holiday claymation cartoons." Brooke laughs along with her as she recalls her initial reaction to her friends son.

" I still can't believe that Bevin allowed Tim to name the kid Nathan? Way to feed his obsession." the silence overtakes them again but this time it's less awkward.

"I just needed a moment Brooke, it's not that I don't want to…" she squeezes Brooke's hand to try and reassure her.

"It's alright Rach, take all the time you need." the sting of Rachel's rejection is still fresh in her mind but she pushes her pain aside in favor of helping the red head through whatever has her so jittery about becoming more intimate.

"The night, " Rachel begins, "the night that I skipped out on you, God I was _such_ a mess. Victoria was right I was pathetic and weak. I watched you all afternoon like a love sick idiot, getting dressed to go to that party with that Luigi look a like, desperately wishing that it was me going with you. And when he finally showed up, with that pansy Chase no less and the both of them just stood there drooling over you, God I wanted to kill him. Then I felt like the worlds biggest asshole because the guy saved my lifebut the thought of him touching you made me want to rip his arms out of their sockets. Homicidal urges aside I was feeling like shit because I couldn't have you, when I got this text from that photographer Karl saying there was a party in South Beach all I wanted was a reprieve from everything."

"The whole way down to Florida I kept telling myself what an idiot I was and that you'd probably never forgive me, as the guilt kept piling on the more I just wanted to phase out, you know? The party was crazed, alcohol and drugs everywhere, people getting high right out in plain sight. As much as I hate your mother I am eternally grateful to her for keeping you away from that mess all those years. Anyway, through all of the chaos I ended up in the bedroom with this girl, Chloe, we were about to…then she decided she needed another hit before we really got into it but the stuff must have been, I don't know bad or too strong because she started to seize and the next thing I know she…she was dead. I checked myself into rehab that same night" spinning Rachel around in her arms Brooke can see the pain and self-loathing etched across Rachel's tear streaked face and it breaks her heart. Brooke leans forward and kisses her trying to pour all of the love she feels into the one act.

She would change everything for happy ever after

Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster

She just needs someone to take her home

She's just the way she is

But no one's told her that's OK

She would change everything, everything, just ask her

Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster

"I.. I love you Brooke," Rachel whispers as she stares into those soulful hazel eyes "and I'm trying hard to be the kind of person who deserves your love.." placing a finger over her pink lips, Brooke shakes her head and smiles

"You already have it Rachel, I love you." Rachel kisses her again with a little more force, backing them back into the house and towards their room all the while holding their embrace and muttering 'I love you's' in between passionate kisses.

She would change everything for happy ever after

Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster

She just needs someone to take her home

She just needs someone to take her home

a/n: kind of a abrupt ending but I just looked at the clock and I need to get to the bank before it closes, sorry. next update has the love scene I promise and I decided to make it a m rated chapter, in for a penny in for a pound.


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